WW #015: Either/or or both/and?

Fancy a little inside scoop on one of the most common patterns I see repeating in the lives of my clients? Perhaps it might illuminate something in your own life. This story starts with me sitting at my desk last week, awash with emotion. It was my coaching week, and I was feeling so fulfilled as I reflected on all of the impactful client sessions I'd sat in over the past days (context: these days, I coach my regular clients 1 week on and 1 week off so that I can offer my hypnotherapy and ad-hoc consulting services in the off-weeks).


It certainly wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, and yet the presence of peace, power and possibility was palpable. The experience of one client in particular was jumping out to me as I reflected, and I knew there was an insight that hadn't yet dropped in. And then it did.


This client had stepped into a new world.


When we started our work, their mind looked at things through the lens of "either/or", rather than "both/and". To offer some examples, this kind of thinking looks like this:

  • I can have business OR relationship success.

  • I can have impact OR freedom.

  • I can have success OR passion.

  • I can have money OR love.

  • I can have structure OR flexibility.

  • I can make others happy OR make myself happy.

This is one of the most common patterns I see in my coaching practice, and it blocks us from the possibility of having it all. Both/and.


This client thought they'd have to choose. Make a sacrifice. Let something important go.


But then, reality shifted. Reality spoke for itself.


Different aspects of life were blooming all at once.


When I see those paradigms start to dissolve away through steady and consistent dedication to one's personal development, I am deeply moved. It seems that there is a point in time when the rubber hits the road, and this was that moment for this particular client.


Probably, part of what moved me in my reflection is that this shift in thinking reminds me of my own process. Formerly a stressed, depressed financial consultant with a yearning to create something different with my life, while clutching to the "freedom" that the salary gave me. I used to live permanently in the either/or world, and I know how painful that can be. I also know how irritating it is when someone tells you more is possible and you're not yet ready to believe it! That's why, outside of hypnotherapy, I now coach people for a minimum of 6 months. That way, we have plenty of spaciousness to gently pull apart the beliefs that limit peace, power and possibility, and start actually living into the benefits of the shift in thinking.

Living in the world of both/and. This process of emergence is so damn beautiful. And I am so humbled by the awesomeness of what I get to witness.

So with all of that shared, let me ask you:


Are you living in a world fixed in place by the question of either/or, or one that is alive with the possibility that is both/and?


Before you answer, let me keep it real for a moment. There WILL be either/or scenarios that show up in your life. That's part of the human experience, and there will absolutely be agony in those decisions. However, there will also be situations that feel like this, yet are actually an invitation to step into a higher perspective and see that something else is available.

Your job is to discern the difference. It doesn't hurt to ask yourself the question.


So just ponder for a moment... what if you lived in the world of both/and–what might be available to you then?



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Feeling called a little deeper into the personal development realm? Here are some ways I can help:

  1. I'm really enjoying exploring mythology lately. I find it to be a powerful portal through which we can understand life. I like to refer to myth as 'a collection of lies that tells the truth'. If you're feeling a little lost on your path, you might like to read this blog post.

  2. Do you have some funky old beliefs that are no longer helpful floating about that could do with a tune-up? My Transformational Hypnotherapy offer remains open until the end of August. Work with me 1:1 for 30-days and we will use the power of hypnosis and transformational coaching to shift one key element in your life.

  3. Create more Peace, Power and Possibility in your life. Retain me as your confidante and transformational coach and we can work together 1:1 for 6 months to shift the obstacles between you and your next Big Life goal (even if you don’t know what that is yet–they seem to have a habit of emerging when you say YES to this deep personal work).